I have so much anger, I feel like I am going to blow up,and thoughts of suicide...?

I 24 years old and am always trying to be positive, and have been through so much in my life, but managed to stay positive and do my own thing. Lately it seems as if thing are just getting worse and worse by the day. I am struggling so hard with life in every aspect. I need some advice and probably to talk to someone, but I don't have insurance and I can't talk to family or friends cause all they say is " your a positive person , you'll find a way to make things work, or everything will be fine... " the things you don't want to hear. I need real advice. I have been having thoughts of suicide and have become very angry inside. I don't let this show, so no one could prop able even guess or have any clue that I am felling this way. I am stressed, sad, angry at myself all the time inside. I can't seem to make decisions right... I just want for once sec. to fell what it feels like to just be happy with yourself. I really don't know what to do or who to go to and the thoughts of suicide are happening more often lately, and that scares me,but I can't control it. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do. Thank you so much in advance.